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Bengals Are Going To Kill Miami on TNF

posted Sep 29, 2016, 10:09 AM by Donovan Hester

God i wish i could photoshop. 

Okay, so I know that a ton of Bengals fans are freaking out right now (as they normally do). Team drops two games in a row and it’s like the fucking sky is falling. Well, I’m here to tell you that after tonight’s complete obliteration of the Dolphins on Thursday Night Football you can stop bitching and complaining, because we’re going to be #back.

The Bengals opened up with the three toughest games any team played through the first three weeks. Playing in New York on 9/11, at Pittsburgh, and home opener against reigning SB champs is BRUTAL. The NFL and Corrupt Goodell wants nothing more than to watch our beloved Bengals burn, but guess what Roger you fucking douchebag, we’re about to actually murder one of your teams tonight in front of the entire world.

After the last three weeks of looking like a shell of our former selves, there is no better time to figure our shit out than against a shitty Miami team that almost took an L at home against Cleveland last week. Seriously, these guys are a mess right now. If you asked me to name all the ‘Phins players I know, I’d tell you like six guys, and three of them are out tonight (One of the Pouncey’s, Jordan Cameron, Adrian Foster). The ‘Phins also find themselves at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to stopping the run, so uhhh…. hey Zampese, time to shine baby.

It’s been clear our offense is not nearly as crisp as it should be/ has been, but if you didn’t see that coming with a new offensive coordinator, you should have. I’m around 90% confident that Zampese will get his shit together by the time we hit the bye week. This week it’s pretty damn simple, run the ball down their terrible defense 60-65% of the time. If you have either J-Hill or Gio, start their asses. And that was talking fantasy, make sure to follow Bolt Sports Fantasy Expert @JoeWeener to get weekly updates on who to start/sit.**

Just to make Miami’s life a little more terrible, we get my friend Vontaze Burfict back on the field, who might actually tear Tannehill limb to limb on national television. Marvin told media that they’d actually have to lock ‘Taze in a trunk if he couldn’t play tonight, and if hearing that doesn’t get your Bengal Boner going, IDK what will. My boy will be FUCKING people up tonight. I’m actually rooting for at least 3 penalties, just to send a message to Goodell that here in the Nasty we don’t abide by your bullshit rules. Roger Goodell took the safety route and by doing that ruined the NFL and everything people loved about it. Seriously, take me back to the Palmer-Chad era where we’d have guys like Robert Gathers MURDERING people on the field, and then have Chad doing some ridiculous dance in the endzone, those were the days man. Fuck you Goodell.

With that being said, I’ll go Bengals 35 Dolphins 17 for a prediction, and Vontaze having 11 tackles, 2 being for a loss, and 2 resulting in the person’s head coming off their shoulder.


** Just kidding, Weener had to delete his twitter due to complications with police. But you can follow the Bolt Sports Hard Knocks Page