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Eric Church Red, White,Boom Review

posted Sep 7, 2016, 2:49 PM by Donovan Hester

There are few things I could name ahead of going back to the ole stopping grounds and spending quality time with the family to enjoy our great nation and its Labor Day, but going to an Eric Church with thousands of hammered, degenerate Kentuckians, now we’re fucking talking.

That’s right, I’m talking Red, White, and Boom baby. I think it’s a thing Lexington does every year on Labor Day (don’t quote me on that I have no actual idea) and let me just say it’s a great time. Held at Whitaker Bank Ballpark, home of the world famous Lexington Legends, (Do you even watch Single-A baseball, bro?) Red White and Boom brings Kentucky together in one big, disgusting, mosh pit.

Nothing more American

Got Ubered off across the street by one of the weirdest fucking Uberers I’ve had since coming to Lexington. When liquored up, I can sit down and have a 50 minute conversation with my Uber drivers and learn all sorts of interesting shit. No joke, I can literally talk to any person on the planet when I get enough Jesus Juice in me, but this guy made me want to literally murder myself.

After jumping out of serial killer guy’s Uber, I finally got a glimpse of the Legends stadium and much wow. Constructed literally 10 feet from a strip mall filled with Dollar Generals, the ole ball park just gives me that little tingle inside. Something about looking at a place and coming to the realization that I might actually get stabbed inside just pumps me up, gets me going. I was fired up walking into that place no doubt about it, but due to poor pre-concert planning (ticket was bought via Stub Hub, thought I could just walk up and they’d have it ready through will call, very dumb on my part) I was quickly thrown into a storm.

Nothing More American
 With 9:30 readily approaching, I knew I had to find a way into this joint. Asked the douchebag behind the ticket counter if I could use their printer to print my ticket, he said no, so I turned to the classic game of let’s run down one of these black scalpers (maybe a racist remark, but I swear to God I just don’t see any other race being a scalper ever)

After negotiating with one of those black scalpers and dropping another 40 spot, I had one of the biggest Jimbo’s of all time. Going for the ole sneak the flask in the belt, I saw that security had one of those stick metal detectors that make life 100000x harder. So, in a moment in utter panic (being like 3 spots from getting checked) I threw the flask into my hat and thought that’ll teach these bastards to use stick metal detectors, only to have it fall through the strap-part right into the sight of the guard. Now, this man wasn’t blind, and in fact I’m almost positive I was eye to eye with him as I held this thing trying to pray to God to just come down from the heavens and kill me as I stood. To be honest, I’ve never been in more of a pretzel. I was panicking so hard I just gave up and threw the thing back under my belt and thought I’ll just have to kill the guard when he finds it. So, as the metal detector goes off right by my crotch, this man looks me dead in the eye, and just when I thought my days are numbered, guy doesn’t even search me. I mean you talk about heroes in our country, about those willing to sacrifice for the greater good, on Labor Day weekend I was #Blessed enough to have one of those brave men working the front gate.

As the man said “You’re good, bud” in that Kentucky accent I’ve grown to fucking adore, I was so excited I nearly ran Tito in the bathroom and gave him the biggest fucking swirly man-kind’s ever seen. I was never a huge miracle guy, but after this, how could I not be? God knew I needed this Eric Church concert. As for the actual concert, it was fucking great man. Never have had to see EC play live, and now I can’t wait to see him again.

The guy just knows how to preform, when one of my drunken Kentucky brethren threw a small flask at EC, you can bet your ass he drank that thing. Guy was signing boots and throwing them back at people, just a lot of interactions that can only rival The Boss. Best/worst part of the concert was the fact we had little to no interactions with people minus the 50 year old mother of 3 that wanted to have Grind City on Tito’s crotch. Told my man that we can wild tonight, but not that wild and left her immediately in the dust.

Overall, I’ll give my first Eric Church concert a 10/10. Will forsure come back to see him some more. Also, need more of Lexington Tito in my life.

 

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